Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Vampirism Test

Published in the leisure section of a Bhopal-based newspaper:

You might be a vampire if:
  • You have a strong desire for blood.
  • You have a nameless craving that can never be fulfilled.
  • You can go without food or sleep for an unusual amount of time.
  • People find you interesting at first, then begin to avoid you.
  • Even when surrounded by others, you always feel alone.
  • You tend to be a night person by nature.
  • You have had a strong interest in vampires.
  • Sex tends to leave you feeling revitalized and full of energy.
  • You are very sensitive to sensory extremes.
  • You believe in reincarnations and have had past life visions.
  • Your relationships tend to be passionate and intense.
  • You look younger than you actually are.
  • You can see and/or read auras.
  • Animals tend to get along well with you.
  • When you will things to happen, they usually do.
I checked on 14 out of 15 traits. Whats your score?

Credits: Poster: Sirisha

Friday, December 18, 2009

Ek Duje Ke Vaaste: Why Good Girls and Nice Guys Are Never Together

Came across the following piece:

 Nice girls who will always remain 'a good friend'. Nice girls who are 'just one of the guys'. Nice girls who get punched on the arm (because they're just one of the guys), but never get kissed on the cheek. Or anywhere else.
This is for the women who talk of women's lib but are secretly too shy to actually ask a guy out. And who must haplessly watch him being asked out by a girl, who's I.Q. is about as high as her neckline (which, in case you missed the point, usually isn't too high). This is also for those girls who can never summon up the courage to tell a guy, that they think he's the best thing since sliced bread. And who will continue to think that while the guy in question flirts shamelessly with them in a half-assed attempt at making a completely different girl jealous. This is in honour of girls who give roses on Rose Day, but never get one back in return. The ones who have to resort to dropping hints in order to get asked out but, (since men are men and wouldn't take a hint unless it showed up naked on their doorstep bearing apple pie) who never get asked out anyway. This is in salutation to the girls who prefer playing hard to get, and who wonder why all the nice guys are dating women who play not-hard-to-get-at-all. This one is for the girls who've been repeatedly told that they're smart and cute and desirable – just not by the guys they actually care for. This is a voice for women who appreciate that under the macho-man-randy-savage testosterone drive, most guys are not too bad, as friends or as anything else, and who don't honestly want to be put on a pedestal and be worshipped for thinking so.
This is a tribute to girls who never have doors held out for them, never have chairs pulled for them, and never complain about it. This is for women who'd happily split the bill with a friend, boyfriend, husband if only they'd had one. And if only he'd let them. This is in defence of women who give tentative hugs out of the fear that they might send the 'wrong signals', who never drink too much at parties so they'd never have to be 'cared for' and who never, ever misbehave. And this is also for the girls who still stay friends with girls who openly flirt with their boyfriends, but who'd never dream of stealing their best friend's boyfriend, even if he's their intellectual soulmate. Because they're nice girls and nice girls don't do that sort of thing.
What nice girls do is get stood up, ditched and taken for granted. Nice girls get to be the friendly ear, someone to crib about ex-girlfriends, present girlfriends and women in general. Nice girls get to be doormats, someone whose house you can use to throw a surprise party for your girlfriend, and who's left to clean up after you go to drop your girlfriend home. Nice girls get to be someone you kiss when you're too drunk to notice and someone who'll accept your profuse apologies the next morning. Nice girls get to grow up believing the Cinderella story, the Ugly Duckling story and all the stories their boyfriends tell them about why they're getting calls from ex-girlfriends in the middle of the night.
This, dear nice girls, is for every time a guy told you that "any guy would be lucky to have you" and you wished he's stop saying that considering he wasn't doing the having bit himself. This is also for all the times you've watched your crush ogle at women whose idea of socializing involves high-pitched giggles and cleavage-baring antics. This is for all the hours of knock-knock jokes, breast jokes, beer jokes, women jokes, feminist jokes and dead baby jokes, of being a 'sport', being a 'pal', being the only one in the group not salivating over the Playmate of the Month, or not having any kind of Mortal Kombat score to discuss. This is for every time you wanted to but couldn't stop being sensible, for every fun thing you didn't do because it seemed 'inappropriate', every guy you pined for because he was, in some odd way or other, "off limits". This is for every time you wondered what the hell was wrong with you, if you set off an allergic reaction in men and if that wasn't the case then why all the men in the world have to have such a lousy taste in women.
The worst part of this story, girls, is that eventually most men look out for someone they can take home to mommy. Oh they'll shake their heads and laugh it off if you ever suggest it, but deep down that's what they really want. Eventually. While they're secretly fantasizing about lingerie models, the only one they'll really consider marriage material is the girl-next-door variety. Someone who needn't exactly be a chef extraordinaire, Salma Hayek's twin or winner of the Nobel Prize for Astrophysics. But also someone who won't embarrass the shite out of them by quaffing beer, flirting with their cousins at family get-togethers or insisting on dirty dancing with them in public. In other words, a 'nice' girl. And till men in general are hit by the proverbial bolt of lightning that, by god, she's the one I've always been looking for, your destiny is to live down the injustice, the humiliation, the heartache and the suffering. Go ahead, just do what you do best. Be nice.

And this one too:

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Makes one wonder which one is true ;). And if they both are. the dude in the picture above is definitely not doing his job well :P.