Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dear Mr Yadav

Dear Mr Mulayam Singh Yadav

With all due disrespects, I would have wanted to draw your attention to your infamous sexist remarks in association with the Women's Reservation Bill, but I am sure the media has done that enough. What I would like to ask you, though, with all the politeness that I can muster, is, What the F*** were you trying to say? We are all aware that you are prone to severe bouts of verbal diarrhoea but we had never known it had gone to a terminal stage, you have our sympathies, sire.What can I say about the kind of women who will enter Parliament. The wives and daughters of officers and businessmen, who invite whistles from boys.”, you had proclaimed, after careful thought and deliberation, as you continued to claim. I am sure you have been asked this question a zillion times but, seriously sir, what, in the name of heaven and earth and everything that lies in between, were you trying to imply? Would you care to shed some light on precisely how do you define the kind of women that invite whistles and catcalls from guys? Were you, by any chance, referring to the fact that the likes of you wont be able to stand educated women, the ones who wont blindly follow your instructions? You went ahead to establish a link between increasing the number of seats for women in Parliament and eve-teasing. Is that a confession, Mr Yadav? Are you trying to tell us all that more women in Parliament would actually become an excuse for the male members to salivate and lech? Dear God, I hope not. Your party members, in an effort to come to their dear M(C)P's aid, went a step further saying that what you really meant was that having more women in the governance would render men unemployed and out of sheer frustration they would resort to eve-teasing. (Your verbal diarrhoea seems to be highly contagious, whats worse, it seems to follow some rule of biological magnification upon being passed on). I am confident, sir, that the majority of males in this nation would have been thoroughly embarrassed by this corollary to your original theorem. I am an officer's daughter, Mr Yadav, and I would like to know how exactly my being so would invite catcalls and whistles. By the way, last I checked, you had a daughter-in-law whom you fielded in the bye-elections for the Ferozabad seat. What did she have to say about your little insight?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Missing Slipper

It all began with an article about teen actors minting millions, which reminded Arun of his long-cherished dream of acting in movies, along with his losing 4 pairs of slippers:

Arun: i always wanted to act
even now
 i mean movies
 me: dont worry we'll make one 
 Arun: yeah
 me: cast u in it
 Arun: :yahoome: CTIDES productions present
 Arun: The one and only Arun
 me: in The Missing Slippers
 Arun: sounds gr8
 me: introducing Arun Srivatsan
  and we will need an anorexic female opposite u
 Arun: i need one pseud heroine and a rough villian
  i need dream sequence in Swiss and action sequence in hongkong
i need emma watson for female lead
  i love her
 me: too many ppl do..
  see with swiss n hk budget wud shoot
  didnt Mash teach us to use finances wisely
  Arbit can be the heroine  better to take people from the team, only one girl and 'that' girl doesnt do pretty female roles
n Tarun can play the rough villian
 Arun: pack
  not Arbit
  nice trrry
  surely flop
  remember Mash told
  about selecting a nice team
  Arbit heroine
 me: he can convicne Isha Sharavani to be thr
 Arun: iam not acting
 me: she looks anorexic enuf to suit ur looks
 Arun: dats nice
  my looks demand only emma,
  i will try and adjust with some isha
 me: she wil look fatter than u dude
 Arun: well, in dat case, ok
but atleas as a gueat appearence
  emma shud be thr
  can u see the relation
  emma watson, Arun sriWatson
  me: this will sooo go on my blog
rough hero ke liyeTarun is ok?
 Arun: well, fine..........his bodyguard will be Kartik
  Tarun seems fine..................
  put a black glass on his eyes and some black leather jacket
  give him a pistol
  he wud look
  but ask him to clean shave
 me: and Robo as the mad scientist who tries inventing the algorithm for finding missing slippers
 Arun: oh nice..................and whr r u?
 me: im the director
 Arun: u have to act
  nothing doin
  u must act
 me: all roles taken
 Arun: u can be police officer
  who comes in the end of movie
  u will get a double role
 me: no the CIA director who is entrusted with the responsibility of ensuring the formula doesnt fall into tarun's hands
 Arun: other one being a comedian
 me: (ironical that i wud work to keep knowledge from tarun)
  na females in comedies.. doesnt work with the audience
  remember the rule KYC: know your customer
 Arun: fair enough............i dint think of itme: so who is the producer
  lsg or mash?
Arun: errr, producer is CTIDES rite?
 me: ctides wud be the banner
  one person wil have to take charge as the producer
 Arun: well, then it shud be Mash
 me: tarun cant- since he is the rough villian (looking like he does is arbit's facebook album)
 Arun: his name is funky
me: ok..funky is good
  plus lsg might not release the movie till a decade
 Arun: dats thr
  So mash be the producer
 me: plus mash's wife can help us with the contracts in exchange for equity
 official legal advisor
 Arun: who will be my mother?  
  i need a mother in the movie
  imp role
need some other young girl
  with lot of makeup
  to look old
  pls pls
 me: ed doesnt have girls sadly
  pick one from our class
 Arun: yeha
  or may be MA
  will also do
me: they'll look like ur daughters re
 Arun: put make up na
 me: the mother wont fit with the script re
 Arun: see it will
  thr will be flash back
  where we will show
  my mother buying that slipper
  and telling me, keep it properly forever
 me: ohhh..senti angle
 Arun: yeah
 me: we will need ekta kapoor on our board of directors
Arun: or the baalika vadhu team
me: we should give chance to our insti talent..
  isha sharvani will drain the budget
  we wil have to compromise on the Maa
 Arun: well pack her
  put MA junta
  they r better
me: dont u need a nice dream sequence in switzerland?
 Arun: for that she will be thr
  other times pack
me: cameo, ah..
 Arun: yeah
  her typical
 me: we'll ask some MA junta to play the Maa
 Arun: MA ?
 me: comeon they wud do fine
 Arun: and yeha,,,dont ask some MA junta............Ask some nice MA junta.................I havemt spoken to MA junta atall, u must do all thr work...............
 me: ma newz has to be a good actress
 dont discount btech
  they might be interested
  lets do one thing
  have a talent hunt
  we will raise spons money thru that
 Arun: i will be thr..............
 me: and get free publicity..bootstrapping
  Mash will be so proud of usArun: one more thing   this summer i wont be available., so shootign in Canada
 me: lets do the dream song in cananda
good locations
  nice snow et al
  and more economical
  switzerland has been used too much
  we need to get innovative location
 Arun: k.............will be cold.................may be freezing................the colder the better
  Vancouver is fine i guess
 me: its settled then
Arun: we will ask cheerleader of the winter olympics to dance behind me and the heroine
  sasta bhi padega
 me: romantic song extras
  they will look like kebab mein haddi
 Arun: romantic song
  i always wanted to do one
watever u say then
 me: deal sealed

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Old Label, Gold Label

I have lived in Bhopal since I was six.  It was in this city that I first fell in love, with books. When I had first walked into that shop above, it used to stock only books, and some greeting cards. With time, the shop got a few face-lifts, started retailing all kinds of gift items, music records et al. However, one thing that never changed, over the course of the last sixteen years, was the ability of its proprietor to make book shopping enjoyable. Ever since I started visiting the store to buy those 125-page illustrated abridged classics, he has helped me hunt books. As I grew older, he would recommend books, of various genres, that might be to my liking. Most of all, he knew the books. Despite having not visited for the past couple of years, when I walked into the store a couple of days back, he still remembered me, along with the books I used to like. In Chennai for the past five years, being a life-long bookaholic, I still frequent bookstores. However the experience of shopping for books at Odyssey or Landmark or Crosswords hardly compares to shopping at the bookstores in my hometown. While the range of books is definitely way more exhaustive, I miss the whole personal touch that Variety Gallery or Books World used to offer back home. I miss being asked my opinion on books I have read recently, I miss being offered advice on what to read in a particular genre. But most of all I miss being treated as a fellow book lover.